Handmaidens -Love & Marriage

October, 2000

Love & Marriage Issues

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Just A Thought
By Staff Writer Sharon Barrett

Proverbs 14:9 "Fools mock at making amends for sin, but good will is found among the upright."

Have things been a little strained with a relationship you are having with a friend, mate, or family member? Continuing in this only makes fools out of us, and it can cause us to sin. Do the good deed and try to forgive even if you are not at fault. Sometimes just a kind word can dispel any hard feelings.

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God Uses Cyberspace to Unite
Crash Victim and Soul-mate

A South African man whose life was shattered when he was paralyzed from the waist down in a car accident has found love and happiness through the Internet.

Life changed dramatically in 1980 for Gregory Murray, of Sun Valley near Cape Town, when he drove into a tree on Chapman's Peak drive and lost the use of his legs. Confined to a wheelchair, he was unable to return to his job as a pattern maker in the Simonstown Naval Dockyard. He continued to work for the South African Navy as a Lithographic Draughtsman until 1990 when he was laid off due to Navy cutbacks. With little prospect of finding another job in his trade, he turned to his computer and compiled cricket statistics as a hobby.

While surfing the Internet in February of 1997, Greg came across a penpal website. Although actually seeking for something else, he stayed on the site long enough to choose three Christian women with whom to correspond. After a time, one of these women, Jenny Likins from America, and Greg developed a close relationship via email, and the following February Jenny traveled to Cape Town to meet him for the first time.

For years the couple talked about marriage but neither was prepared to give up their home country. Finally, after much prayer Greg decided to ask for Jenny’s hand in marriage. They became officially engaged on New Year’s Eve 1999. Jenny happily said yes and the 6-month long process of immigration began.

Separation was hard on the loving couple. Jenny visited Capetown again in February of 2000, and at last Greg arrived in Denver on July 8, 2000. Arrangements were made for the wedding, which was held just five days later on August 13 in Canon City, Colorado.

Greg's sister, Melody Poilly, said: "Greg's life has changed dramatically since he met Jenny. He went from feeling sorry for himself to being a vibrant and independent personality."

Jenny bought a suitable house prior to Greg’s arrival - one that is accessible for Greg's wheelchair. Jenny who is a chiropractor, has her own practice, and Greg has honed his web design skills and opened his own website designer agency, Lighthouse Web-Designs.

"The Internet can be quite a dangerous playground but, it is a wonderful place to meet people from all walks of life. We know that God used the Internet in bringing the two of us together," the couple said.

Greg & Jenny Murray
ccsonians@uswest.net
lh-designs@uswest.net

Editor's Note:
Jenny has been a friend of mine for several years. She tirelessly serves the Lord in every aspect of her life and I am thrilled at her happiness! Also, if you know of anyone who is even thinking about a web site for their business, church, organization, ministry or for personal use, please let them know about Greg. His site is at http://www.lighthouse-webdesigns.8k.com He is looking for international work as well as work in the US. If you or anyone you know has any questions the email address is lh-designs@uswest.net

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

Learning to Love Long Distance

The story above is especially touching to me for two reasons... One, I know Jenny as a friend and know how long they worked to claw through all the red tape to get Greg over here... Two, my own parents met as pen pals. Of course, the was no internet back in 1936 -they met through a want ad placed by my father in the Denver Post - but the idea is the same.

At first blush, one might be tempted to say such meetings would be less effective in finding an appropriate mate, but I wonder if quite the opposite might be the case... I am quite a fan of Christian pen pal agencies, hence the ad at the top of this page and scattered about ionanet. Consider some of the advantages:

Honest Self Disclosure
As anyone who has ever been on a "date" knows, both parties are self conscious and overly concerned with their physical appearances, plus there is often a period of awkward conversational small talk. Using an agency, each person knows quite a lot about the other before the first e-mail or letter, and as the two write back and forth the inner self of each becomes more and more apparent to the other. They begin to share their faith, interests, loves, etc. in an open exchange which might not happen for months in person.

Sexual Issues
In some cases, there is concern in the minds of one or both as to whether sexual intimacy will be expected as part of the dating scene... Yes, this even occurs among "Christians." In other words, not all who call themselves believers are actually walking in the foot steps of the Master! In a long distance relationship, the issue can often be determined by the tone of the letters and dealt with safely before it becomes a problem.

Spiritual Intimacy
Many folks find it easier to write about themselves and the Lord than talk about the subject. They may freely disclose their deepest thoughts in a letter, whereas would be embarrassed to speak them aloud. Often a testimony in writing is far more intense than the vocal version.

Truest Love
Strangely, we have all created certain ideals when it comes to a potential mate, and those models may prevent us from even exposing ourselves to anyone who doesn't fit our perfect pattern. My parents were a case in point. My refined mother would never have considered spending time with an uneducated laborer like my father if she had not already fallen in love with him through his letters, but they had a wonderful life-long marriage and never ceased to adore one another.

Certainly, I would never discourage the more traditional romantic avenues, however I would strongly suggest that there are excellent alternatives Christian singles should prayerfully consider. If you are such a one, you may want to check out Christian Cafe which offers a free trial and has over 10,000 listings at any given time. Take their free tour and read the testimonials. I think you'll be impressed!

The Perfect Mate
By Staff Writer Sharon Barrett

When God made women he took some beauty and placed it in a bowl. He added just a touch of color to make us all different. Then God said, "I will add lots and lots of patience and some emotion so she will cry away the pain."

God added a little hate, so she would hate the wrongs of the world. Then to fight hate he added lots of love, so she would love others and care for them. God saw what he had made and decided he should add personality, so we would be a little more different than any other woman.

God took another look and decided to add strength, because it is the woman who holds the family together, and she would need to be strong. Then God added a big heart so she could share with others.

When God had seen what he made, he was happy so he gave her intelligence, and a sound mind filled with wisdom. Then God stirred up the bowl and added a rib from Adam. And he made Adam the perfect help mate.

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