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Fall, 2001
Dealing with a
"Difficult" Mate Your marriage that began with bliss may have drifted into something quite uncomfortable as you try to deal with an increasingly "difficult" husband. Trust may have become doubt. Relaxed warmth may be replaced by stress and tension. Resentment may build on both sides as one dream after another dies. It can happen in all types of relationships, in any marriage. The Bible has something to say about dealing with difficult people... and your spouse is "a people." Of course, scripture also has a word or two about relating to an unsaved mate, and indeed I subscribe to it all, but this is an area where we really need the Spirit's discernment. Whether your mate is saved or not, I am assuming you are, so the very first and most important thing to do when the going gets tense is PRAY. Not some preformed, tame or memorized prayer, but some real, down on your face, from the gut as well as the heart PRAYING. What you are praying for is 1) to be shown any changes YOU need to make and 2) to be allowed to see the real core of the problem and 3) the strength and guidance you need from the Holy Spirit. If things are getting unreasonable, bordering on psychological or even physical abuse, remember this, Jesus was never a doormat... and it is not His will that you be one, either. That "turn the other cheek" thing must be considered in the light of scripture as a whole and never intended that you or your children become the victims of abuse! NEVER!!!! So when Jesus told Peter to forgive "Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times," He was NOT talking about abusive spouses. I am sure I don't need to tell you that such a pattern of abuse, repentance and more abuse is all too common. Jesus was good at putting up boundaries, and in doing so He sought what was best for the people involved. No matter what the core issue, and whether or not your hubby is saves, learn from Christ to set reasonable boundaries and insist they be honored. Like Jesus, show respect and love for the person without tolerating unacceptable behavior. When mistreated, Jesus withdrew - with only one exception, the cross! Paul gives some great guidelines for all interpersonal relationships... and they work well in marriages as well. (Rom 12:17-20 NRSV) Do not repay anyone evil for evil, but take thought for what is noble in the sight of all. If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave room for the wrath of God; for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, "says the Lord. No, if your enemies are hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them something to drink; for by doing this you will heap burning coals on their heads. Again, and I can't stress this strongly enough, it is NEVER God's will for you or your children to be maltreated! If that is the case, get out NOW!
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