January, 2006

Now I See
By Staff Writer Marsha Jordan Executive Director of Hugs and Hope

Due to complications of a connective tissue disease, without warning I’d been struck blind. Doctors tried treatment after treatment in a race to stop the damage to my eyes before it was too late. After each daily examination, the cornea specialist would hold his hand in front of my face and ask how many fingers I could see. Hope dwindled as day after day I replied, "none."

As I lay awake in the lonely darkness, I prayed harder than I’d ever prayed before. The last several weeks I had been living in the middle of my most dreaded nightmare. I felt alone, frustrated, sad, and afraid. All my plans and dreams for the future were hanging by a thin thread that could break at any moment.

The searing pain stabbed at my eyes. It felt as if fire was consuming them. But it wasn’t pain that caused my sleeplessness. Worse than the excruciating physical torment was the terrifying darkness and the agonizing over the "what ifs."

What if I accidentally pulled the protective coverings off in my sleep and rubbed my eyes against the pillow? The doctor had warned me to avoid even a slight touch to my inflamed corneas.

What if I would never regain my sight? What if I couldn’t take care of myself? What if I couldn’t drive my car and be independent anymore? What if I would never enjoy reading a book, watching a sunset, or – worst of all – gazing into the eyes of my beautiful grandbaby?

During the long, sleepless nights, I fumed in disbelief, "Why is this happening? I CAN’T be permanently blinded!" In despair, I cried silently in my heart, questioning God. But I had to hold back the tears because crying irritated my eyes more.

Besides the torturous pain and the devastating fear of not regaining my vision, there was the anxiety over how to pay the medical bills. The cost of one doctor visit was a staggering $800, and I saw the doctor daily for six weeks.

I’d become very protective of my eyes and skittish about anything coming near them. I needed Valium just to be coaxed into the examining chair. When he came toward me with tweezers, I recoiled in terror and practically had to be held down. I soaked the chair with perspiration during each doctor visit and I literally shook with fear at the thought of him touching my eyes. So you can understand my reaction when the surgeon announced that he needed to cut my cornea, lift it, and clean under it. I told him, "I’d rather have my legs amputated!"

They say courage is fear that’s said its prayers. I learned that truth by experience. I knew there were many people praying for me, my home church as well as churches across the country and even around the globe. I too prayed fervently. I begged God, not only for healing of my eyes, but for strength to endure whatever happened. I had to put my trust in Him because He was in control and He was the only one who could help me.

While lying awake one night, I clicked on the TV. An all-night station played gentle music as a man read soothing Bible passages. It comforted and calmed me, so I began looking forward to listening every night. I was awake anyway, and it helped the hours pass more quickly.

Like a fountain of fresh water, God’s Word, combined with the soothing music, rinsed away my anxiety and worries and replaced them with peace. I was reminded of the words of Jesus: "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you . . . Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." (John 14:27) At last, I was able to say, "Whatever you want, God."

I gave my fears to God and determined to believe in His love for me. I knew He would keep His hand on me, no matter what happened. And I knew He wanted only what was best for me, so why should I fear? If He chose to heal me, I would be unspeakably grateful. If He chose not to, I would remember that He had a reason for that, too. No matter what, with His help, I could go on with my life and use it for Him.

The surgery went well; in time my eyes healed, and my world grew brighter. The pain subsided, and the blackness gradually became a white fog. It was a long road to recovery, but I defied all odds. Slowly the fog grew clearer. After the ordeal, my doctor confided that he hadn’t believed I would ever see again. He told me it was a miracle, but I already knew that.

Actually, God gave me two miracles. He healed my eyes, restoring my sight when doctors believed it was hopeless. And, like a plant bursting forth from a dead seed, faith, hope, and trust had blossomed from my fear. Perhaps that was an even greater miracle.

* Prayer may not change things for you, but it changes you for things.

What Should We Pray?
by Darlene "Dee" Bishop of Christian Solutions

Prayer is an important aspect of our Christian faith. That's probably why there are hundreds - or thousands! - of books and articles on the subject of prayer. Many of them address the issue of HOW to pray without covering WHAT to pray... what to say when you pray.
 
As a pastor, it's sad to say that my own prayers bore me at times. My lack of imagination causes me to pray the same things over and over...
 
"Lord... meet their needs. Draw them to you. Forgive them. Open their eyes. Heal them. Touch them."
 
While the desire is to see God work - and that's a good thing - there are times when I yearn for more creative, original thoughts when praying.
 
Here are three things that I've "borrowed" from others whose prayers have touched my heart and reached into my soul. Perhaps they'll help you as much as they've helped me.
 
• Pray the Scriptures.
 
There are many beautiful passages in the Scriptures that truly draw our hearts toward God. The Psalms, being poetry and songs, especially seem to invite us to let the words become our own.
 
Psalm 100 has always been a favorite of mine, perhaps because it was one of the few I memorized as a child. But Psalm 51, Psalm 37 and Psalm 24 have also meant a lot to me in times of need and I have prayed them often.
 
When looking for other passages, the books of Isaiah, Joshua and John come to mind as offering a number of sample prayers. Then there's the well-known "Prayer of Jabez" (1 Chronicles 4:9-10) and of course, Psalm 23 and the Lord's Prayer (Matthew 6:9-12) which are classics.
 
• Pray a song.
 
There are many wonderful hymns that are actually prayers. Select your favorites and sing or recite them to the Lord. But don't neglect newer numbers. Many contemporary songs offer amazing, creative approaches for communing with God.
 
Bob Carlisle, best known for his hit, "Butterfly Kisses," has recorded several songs that I've personally used as prayers many times. His songs "Use Me" and "Chance I Have to Take" from his debut album had more to do with me accepting God's call to full-time ministry than anything else in my life at the time. The lyrics of these two songs became, literally, the cries of my heart. And God heard those cries and called me to full-time service for Him.
 
Be careful what you pray for.
 
• Read the prayers of others.
 
Books of Christian poetry often contain prayers. Or you can visit some wonderful Websites with prayers and poems to help you creatively draw near the Father.
 
While I'm not a member of the Roman Catholic church, I thoroughly enjoy the idea of praying the Apostles' Creed as many Catholics do. Then there is always the "Serenity Prayer." You can also visit the following Websites for ideas or search Google for "sample prayers" for many other options.
 
http://sub.namb.net/helplink/pry-smpl.asp
http://www.prayernetworks.net/resources/samples/
http://www.retirementwithapurpose.com/prayer_samples
http://www.secretsofsuccess.com/resources/sample_prayers.html
 
There are many other options for praying, including memorized prayers, silent meditations and simple conversations with God. While prayer doesn't have to contain flowery phrases or uniquely imaginative words, it does help us to put some thought into our prayers so they don't become simply "sounding brass" or "clanging cymbals" in the ears of our Lord.
 
Article copyright © 2005 by Darlene Bishop. All rights reserved worldwide.
 
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Darlene "Dee" Bishop is a Nazarene pastor, creative designer and writer. Visit her Website at http://christiansitesolutions.com to see how she can help your church create an affordable Internet presence and develop effective online solutions today.

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