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Handmaidens

Education Issues Topics
Q. The ark was built in 3 stories, and the top story had a window to let light in, but how did they get light to the bottom 2 stories?
A. They used floodlights.
Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David: he rocked Goliath to sleep.
Q. Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot?
A. The thought had never entered his head before.
Q. If Goliath is resurrected, would you like to tell him the joke about David and Goliath?
A. No, he already fell for it once.
Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
A. German Shepherds.
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CALIFORNIA CHRISTIAN UNIVERSITY ANNOUNCES THE BEGINNING OF CLASSES
Plans Also Specified For Two More Centers In Southern California And One In Manila, Philippines
By Dan Wooding

LOS ANGELES, CA (September 26, 1999) - Dr. Dale W. Kietzman, the former US director of Wycliffe Bible Translators and a board member with ASSIST Ministries, has announced the formation of California Christian University based in Los Angeles, California.

"This newly-formed university is state-recognized and is one of the few schools that will design individual programs, essentially giving a needs-based education," said Dr. Kietzman, who is Vice President and Academic Dean of the University.

FILLING A VOID

"We seek to fill an existing void in the field of theological education by addressing the needs of students who are already involved in Christian service and who require a less traditional approach to securing quality instruction at the undergraduate and graduate levels, as well as the flexibility offered by intensive seminars and self-directed programs.

"Classes will begin on October 2 at its Los Angeles Center, which will be using the educational facilities of Temple Baptist Church, located at 23rd and Estrella Streets in Los Angeles."

He said that the school would feature a wide variety of religious courses leading to Bachelor, Master and Doctorial degrees in such areas as Ministry, Theology and Mission. "The courses are presented in a unique mediated format, with each class group meeting for three hours once a month for three months," added Kietzman. "The program is designed for adult students already involved in ministry and the working place."

Present at the inaugural presentation held at Temple Baptist Church in Los Angeles on September 11 were Dr. Charles Love of Riverside, California, the Chairman of the Board of Trustees; Dr. Raynard Wilson, President; Dr. Dale W. Kietzman; Dr. Myrna D. Funtecha, Vice President for the Asian Division and for the Los Angeles Center; Dr. Genaro Diesto, Dean of the Los Angeles Centre; and Dr. James Krames, Professor of Theology.

Dr. Kietzman said that six courses would begin on October 2. "Classes in the Biblical Foundation of Missions and in False Cults will start at 9 AM; classes in Homiletics and Intercultural Communication at 1 PM; and in Interpersonal Relations in and on Achieving Credit through Presentation of a Portfolio at 5 PM," he said. "Registration for the classes can be done at the beginning of each session."

MEXICO CITY AND RIVERSIDE AND ORANGE COUNTIES, CALIFORNIA

California Christian University, while still in its infancy, has already launched a program in Mexico City, under the name of Instituto Superior de Estudios Biblicos y Teologicos, and will open shortly a center in Riverside County, California, and another in Orange County, California, which will offer courses in Spanish.

"Plans are also underway, for launching a center in Manila, Philippines," said Dr. Myrna D. Funtecha, Vice President for Asia.

For information about courses at the Los Angeles Center, write to: California Christian University, Los Angeles Center, P.O. Box 41179, Pasadena, CA 91114, or call Dr. Kietzman at (626) 398-2105 or FAX at (626) 398-2491.


Hidden Books of the Bible
Submitted by Teri Underwood
 

Here is a little something to work on in your spare time. See if you can find all 16 books of the Bible hidden in the following passage.

HOW MANY BOOKS OF THE BIBLE CAN YOU FIND?

“I once made a remark about the hidden books of the Bible. It was a lulu – kept people looking so hard for facts and for others it was a revelation.

Some were in a jam, especially since the names of the books were not capitalized; but, the truth finally struck home to numbers of readers. To others it was a real job. We want it to be a most fascinating few moments for you.

Yes, there will be some really easy ones to spot. Others may require judges to help them. I will quickly admit it usually takes a minister to find one of them and there will be loud lamentations when it is found.

A little lady says she brews a cup of tea so she can concentrate better. See how well you can compete. Relax now, for there are sixteen names of books in the Bible in this story.”

End of Story.

Good luck! (One preacher found five books in 20 minutes. . .but it took him three weeks to find the sixteenth one.) Let me know the date you find all sixteen.


Editor's Note: In spite of our "mature" objections, our kids love monsters. Here's a monster tale with a lesson.

Rubber Monsters
By Andrew Wooding

I've always been a fan of rubber monsters. The dodgier the costume the better. I guess it's all those misspent hours watching sci-fi films from the fifties, or reruns of The Outer Limits, and even early Star Trek.

Ideally, the monster has to look like a mutated lizard, carry a plastic ray gun, and have yellowing pointed teeth so that it looks like a chronic sufferer of halitosis. Rubber monsters don't believe in fresh breath chewing gum.

You also have to be able to see all the zips, bits of string and sticky tape that hold the costume together. Believe me, there's nothing better than a black and white alien invasion film with aliens that look more like leftover clothing from a charity shop that's been spray-painted green, than proud representatives of a superior alien race.

This is why one time when I was in London I decided to drop in on the Alien War attraction that was just off Piccadilly Circus. Basically, you paid your money at the door and for the next fifteen minutes you were led round a dark underground maze while being threatened at every corner by an out of work actor in an alien outfit.

"Should be a laugh," I thought. "Can't wait to see the zips in the costume."

The trouble was, it was dark down there. No zips in sight. Not even a plastic tag saying "Made in Hong Kong". The monster looked real and I've never been more scared in my life.

On the way home I comforted myself with the fact that once the "monster's" shift was over, the out of work actor was probably sitting in a cold London dressing room, chewing a microwaved cheeseburger, filling in a crossword and dreaming of one day auditioning for Hamlet.

That hadn't been a monster down there at all. It seemed like one because of the darkness, but had the lights been on at full blast I would have seen it for what it really was: a nervous, skinny actor in a hastily constructed costume that could easily have been made by a group of seven-year-old children during their school lunch break.

The devil's like that. He loves it when we live in the darkness because he can fool us into thinking that he's really something. "I'm scary!" he says, and we believe it.

But Jesus calls himself "the light of the world". We can have that light in our lives if we follow his ways and get to know him better. And if we shine that light on the devil, we see him for who he really is.

There are no zips on the devil. No bits of string, and no pieces of sticky tape. But shine God's light on him and you will see a fearful defeated nobody that's all washed up. He might as well be a tiny helpless ant, burning up and shriveling in the light of the powerful sun.

This is the choice that all of us are given: to live in the light, or live in the darkness.

As for me, I'm off down to the video shop to rent another sci-fi film.

_________________________________________________

Andrew Wooding is a freelance writer living in Yorkshire, England, who has written seven books, edited and written for countless popular comic books, and writes a daily children's serial for UCB Radio, which broadcasts throughout Europe.

Andrew is the Parish Worker at St. Clement's Church in Bradford, and is soon to start training with Church Army in Sheffield, England. He will also be marrying his fiance Alison in January, 2000.


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