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Q. The ark was built in 3 stories,
and the top story had a window to let light in,
but how did they get light to the bottom 2
stories?
A. They used floodlights.
Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in
the Bible?
A. David: he rocked Goliath to sleep.
Q. Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit
him with a slingshot?
A. The thought had never entered his head before.
Q. If Goliath is resurrected, would you like to
tell him the joke about David and Goliath?
A. No, he already fell for it once.
Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
A. German Shepherds. |
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CALIFORNIA
CHRISTIAN UNIVERSITY ANNOUNCES THE BEGINNING OF CLASSES
Plans Also Specified For Two More Centers In
Southern California And One In Manila, Philippines
By Dan Wooding
LOS ANGELES, CA
(September 26, 1999) - Dr. Dale W. Kietzman, the former
US director of Wycliffe Bible Translators and a board
member with ASSIST Ministries, has announced the
formation of California Christian University based in Los
Angeles, California.
"This newly-formed university is state-recognized
and is one of the few schools that will design individual
programs, essentially giving a needs-based
education," said Dr. Kietzman, who is Vice President
and Academic Dean of the University.
FILLING A VOID
"We seek to fill an existing void in the field of
theological education by addressing the needs of students
who are already involved in Christian service and who
require a less traditional approach to securing quality
instruction at the undergraduate and graduate levels, as
well as the flexibility offered by intensive seminars and
self-directed programs.
"Classes will begin on October 2 at its Los Angeles
Center, which will be using the educational facilities of
Temple Baptist Church, located at 23rd and Estrella
Streets in Los Angeles."
He said that the school would feature a wide variety of
religious courses leading to Bachelor, Master and
Doctorial degrees in such areas as Ministry, Theology and
Mission. "The courses are presented in a unique
mediated format, with each class group meeting for three
hours once a month for three months," added
Kietzman. "The program is designed for adult
students already involved in ministry and the working
place."
Present at the inaugural presentation held at Temple
Baptist Church in Los Angeles on September 11 were Dr.
Charles Love of Riverside, California, the Chairman of
the Board of Trustees; Dr. Raynard Wilson, President; Dr.
Dale W. Kietzman; Dr. Myrna D. Funtecha, Vice President
for the Asian Division and for the Los Angeles Center;
Dr. Genaro Diesto, Dean of the Los Angeles Centre; and
Dr. James Krames, Professor of Theology.
Dr. Kietzman said that six courses would begin on October
2. "Classes in the Biblical Foundation of Missions
and in False Cults will start at 9 AM; classes in
Homiletics and Intercultural Communication at 1 PM; and
in Interpersonal Relations in and on Achieving Credit
through Presentation of a Portfolio at 5 PM," he
said. "Registration for the classes can be done at
the beginning of each session."
MEXICO CITY AND RIVERSIDE AND ORANGE COUNTIES,
CALIFORNIA
California Christian University, while still in its
infancy, has already launched a program in Mexico City,
under the name of Instituto Superior de Estudios Biblicos
y Teologicos, and will open shortly a center in Riverside
County, California, and another in Orange County,
California, which will offer courses in Spanish.
"Plans are also underway, for launching a center in
Manila, Philippines," said Dr. Myrna D. Funtecha,
Vice President for Asia.
For information about courses at the Los Angeles Center,
write to: California Christian University, Los Angeles
Center, P.O. Box 41179, Pasadena, CA 91114, or call Dr.
Kietzman at (626) 398-2105 or FAX at (626) 398-2491.
Hidden Books of
the Bible
Submitted
by Teri Underwood
Here is a little
something to work on in your spare time. See if you can
find all 16 books of the Bible hidden in the following
passage.
HOW
MANY BOOKS OF THE BIBLE CAN YOU FIND?
I once made a
remark about the hidden books of the Bible. It was a lulu
kept people looking so hard for facts and for
others it was a revelation.
Some were in a jam, especially since the names of the
books were not capitalized; but, the truth finally struck
home to numbers of readers. To others it was a real job.
We want it to be a most fascinating few moments for you.
Yes, there will be some really easy ones to spot. Others
may require judges to help them. I will quickly admit it
usually takes a minister to find one of them and there
will be loud lamentations when it is found.
A little lady says she brews a cup of tea so she can
concentrate better. See how well you can compete. Relax
now, for there are sixteen names of books in the Bible in
this story.
End of Story.
Good luck! (One preacher found five books in 20 minutes.
. .but it took him three weeks to find the sixteenth
one.) Let me know the date you find all sixteen.
Editor's Note:
In spite of our "mature" objections, our kids
love monsters. Here's a monster tale with a lesson.
Rubber Monsters
By Andrew Wooding
I've always been a fan
of rubber monsters. The dodgier the costume the better. I
guess it's all those misspent hours watching sci-fi films
from the fifties, or reruns of The Outer Limits, and even
early Star Trek.
Ideally, the monster has to look like a mutated lizard,
carry a plastic ray gun, and have yellowing pointed teeth
so that it looks like a chronic sufferer of halitosis.
Rubber monsters don't believe in fresh breath chewing
gum.
You also have to be able to see all the zips, bits of
string and sticky tape that hold the costume together.
Believe me, there's nothing better than a black and white
alien invasion film with aliens that look more like
leftover clothing from a charity shop that's been
spray-painted green, than proud representatives of a
superior alien race.
This is why one time when I was in London I decided to
drop in on the Alien War attraction that was just off
Piccadilly Circus. Basically, you paid your money at the
door and for the next fifteen minutes you were led round
a dark underground maze while being threatened at every
corner by an out of work actor in an alien outfit.
"Should be a laugh," I thought. "Can't
wait to see the zips in the costume."
The trouble was, it was dark down there. No zips in
sight. Not even a plastic tag saying "Made in Hong
Kong". The monster looked real and I've never been
more scared in my life.
On the way home I comforted myself with the fact that
once the "monster's" shift was over, the out of
work actor was probably sitting in a cold London dressing
room, chewing a microwaved cheeseburger, filling in a
crossword and dreaming of one day auditioning for Hamlet.
That hadn't been a monster down there at all. It seemed
like one because of the darkness, but had the lights been
on at full blast I would have seen it for what it really
was: a nervous, skinny actor in a hastily constructed
costume that could easily have been made by a group of
seven-year-old children during their school lunch break.
The devil's like that. He loves it when we live in the
darkness because he can fool us into thinking that he's
really something. "I'm scary!" he says, and we
believe it.
But Jesus calls himself "the light of the
world". We can have that light in our lives if we
follow his ways and get to know him better. And if we
shine that light on the devil, we see him for who he
really is.
There are no zips on the devil. No bits of string, and no
pieces of sticky tape. But shine God's light on him and
you will see a fearful defeated nobody that's all washed
up. He might as well be a tiny helpless ant, burning up
and shriveling in the light of the powerful sun.
This is the choice that all of us are given: to live in
the light, or live in the darkness.
As for me, I'm off down to the video shop to rent another
sci-fi film.
_________________________________________________
Andrew Wooding is a
freelance writer living in Yorkshire, England, who has
written seven books, edited and written for countless
popular comic books, and writes a daily children's serial
for UCB Radio, which broadcasts throughout Europe.
Andrew is the Parish
Worker at St. Clement's Church in Bradford, and is soon
to start training with Church Army in Sheffield, England.
He will also be marrying his fiance Alison in January,
2000.
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