Handmaidens

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Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?
A. Ruth-less.
Q. Who was the first drug addict in the Bible?
A. Nebuchadnezzar: he was on grass for seven years.
Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.
David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.
Honda... because the apostles were all in one Accord.
2 Cor. 4:8 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen Beetle:
"We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement."
Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson: he brought the house down.
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He Exists!
Submitted by Floyd Bills

This is a true story of something that happened just a few years ago at USC.

There was a professor of philosophy there who was a deeply committed atheist. His primary goal for one required class was to spend the entire semester attempting to prove that God couldn't exist.

His students were always afraid to argue with him because of his impeccable logic. For twenty years, he had taught this class and no one had ever had the courage to go against him. Sure, some had argued in class at times, but no one had ever really gone against him because of his reputation.

At the end of every semester on the last day, he would say to his class of 300 students, "If there is anyone here who still believes in Jesus, stand up!" In twenty years, no one had ever stood up. They knew what he was going to do next. He would say, "Because anyone who believes in God is a fool. If God existed, he could stop this piece of chalk from hitting the ground and breaking. Such a simple task to prove that He is God, and yet, He can't do it." And every year, he would drop the chalk onto the tile floor of the classroom and it would shatter into a hundred pieces. All of the students would do nothing but stop and stare. Most of the students thought that God couldn't exist.

Certainly, a number of Christians had slipped through, but for twenty years, they had been too afraid to stand up. Well, a few years ago there was a freshman who happened to enroll. He was a Christian, and had heard the stories about his professor.He was required to take the class for his major, and he was afraid. But for three months that semester, he prayed every morning that he would have the courage to stand up no matter what the professor said, or what the class thought. Nothing they said could ever shatter his faith...he hoped.

Finally, the day came. The professor said, "If there is anyone here who still believes in God, stand up!" The professor and the class of 300 people looked at him, shocked, as a man stood up at the back of the classroom. The professor shouted, "You FOOL!!! If God existed, he would keep this piece of chalk from breaking when it hits the ground!"

He proceeded to drop the chalk, but as he did, it slipped out of his fingers, off his shirt cuff, down his leg, onto the pleat of his pants, and off his shoe. As it hit the ground, it simply rolled away unbroken.

The professor's jaw dropped as he stared at the chalk. He looked up at the young man, and then he ran out of the lecture hall. The young man who had stood, proceeded to walk to the front of room and shared his faith in Jesus for the next half hour. 300 students stayed and listened as he told of God's love for them and of His power through Jesus.

You have 2 choices:
1) Leave this page and never look at it again.
2) Pass a link to this along to your Christian and non-Christian friends, giving them en-ouragement we all need everyday.

When you choose option 2, you have chosen to STAND UP!


And God Supplied a Spider Web
Submitted by Julia Townsend

A young soldier found himself in a terrible battle during the Scottish Reformation. The enemy was soundly defeating this young man's army. He and his comrades found themselves hastily retreating from the battle field in defeat, running away in fear of their very lives. The enemy gave chase.

This young man ran hard and fast, full of fear and desperation, but soon found himself cut off from his comrades in arms. He eventually came upon a rocky ledge containing a cave. Knowing the enemy was close behind, and that he was exhausted from the chase, chose to hide there. After he crawled in, he fell to his face in the darkness, desperately crying to God to save him and protect him from his enemies. He also made a bargain with God, he promised that if God saved him, he would serve Him for the remainder of his days.

When he looked up from his despairing plea for help, he saw a spider beginning to weave its web at the entrance to the cave. As he watched the delicate threads being slowly drawn across the mouth of the cave, the young soldier pondered its irony. He thought, "I asked God for protection and deliverance, and he sent me a spider instead. How can a spider save me?" His heart was hardened, knowing the enemy would soon discover his hiding place and kill him.

Soon he did hear the sound of his enemies, who were now scouring the area looking for those in hiding. One soldier with a gun slowly walked up to the cave's entrance. As the young man crouched in the darkness, hoping to surprise the enemy in a last-minute desperate attempt to save his own life, he felt his heart pounding wildly out of control. As the enemy cautiously moved forward to enter the cave, he came upon the spider's web, which by now was completely strung across the opening. He backed away and called out to a comrade, "There can't be anyone in here. They would have had to break this spider's web to enter the cave. Let's move on."

Years later, this young man, who made good his promise by becoming a preacher and evangelist, wrote about that ordeal. What he observed has stood by me in times of trouble, especially during those times when everything seemed impossible. He wrote: "Where God is, a spider's web is as a stone wall. Where God is not, a stone wall is as a spider's web."

Is something going on in your life right now that is really bothering you? Perhaps it seems so bad that you are paralyzed by fear. You don't know what to do. Do you ever feel you are in the darkness, facing what seems impossible, wondering (or maybe not) if God even cares? If you are, I am here to tell you that God does care ............. more than you can imagine right now. And God is most definitely in control. He specializes in the impossible. Cry out to Him. He hears you and desires to give you the very best He has to offer.

Author unknown


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