| Adoption is such a beautiful and
wondrous thing. Scripture tells us in so many,
many places that because of Jesus' precious
sacrifice on the cross, we have the right to
become sons and daughters of God - heirs of the
King of the universe! We Christians have been adopted,
grafted into the vine. Jesus said, "I am the
vine, you are the branches..." Without Him,
we can do nothing, yet in Him, anything is
possible. Read the story of love and courage
below...
Courage
of the Heart
I sit on the
rickety auditorium chair with the camcorder on my
shoulder and I can feel the tears well up in my
eyes. My six-year-old daughter is on stage, calm,
self-possessed, centered and singing her heart
out. I am nervous, jittery and emotional. I try
not to cry. "Listen, can you hear the sound,
hearts beating all the world around?" she
sings. Her little round face turns up to the
light, a little face so dear and familiar and yet
so unlike my own thin features. Her eyes - eyes
so different from mine - look out into the
audience with total trust. She knows she is
loved.
"Up in the
valley, out on the plains, everywhere around the
world, heartbeats sound the same." The face
of her birth mother looks out at me from the
stage. The eyes of a young woman that once looked
into mine with trust now
gaze into the audience. These features my
daughter inherited from her birth mother - eyes
that tilt up at the corners, and rosy, plump
little cheeks that I can't stop kissing.
"Black or
white, red or tan, it's the heart of the family
of man . . . oh, oh beating away, oh, oh beating
away," she finishes. The audience goes wild.
I do, too. Thunderous applause fills the room. We
rise as one to let Melanie know we loved it. She
smiles; she already knew. Now I am crying. I feel
so blessed to be her mom. She fills me with so
much joy that my heart actually hurts.
The heart of the
family of man . . . the heart of courage that
shows us the path to take when we are lost . . .
the heart that makes strangers one with each
other for a common purpose: this is the heart
Melanie's birth mother showed to me. From deep
inside the safest part of herself, Melanie heard
her birth mother. This heart of courage because
of her commitment to unconditional love. She was
a woman who embraced the concept that she could
give her child something no one else ever could:
a better life than she had.
Melanie's heart
beats close to mine as I hold her and tell her
how great she performed. She wiggles in my arms
and looks up at me. "Why are you crying,
Mommy?" I answer her, "Because I am so
happy for you and you did so well, all by
yourself!"
I can feel
myself reach out and hold her with more than just
my arms. I hold her with love for not only
myself, but for the beautiful and courageous
woman who chose to give birth to my daughter, and
then chose again to give her to me. I carry the
love from both of us . . . the birth mother with
the courage to share, and the woman whose empty
arms were filled with love . . . for the
heartbeat that we share is one.
By Patty Hansen
from A 3rd Serving of Chicken Soup for the
Soul
Copyright 1996 by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor
Hansen
Many
Kinds of Adoption
We tend to think
of adoption as a legal process whereby birth
parents give up or lose parental rights and
adoptive parents assume those rights and
responsibilities. But adoption is so much more
than that...
We have 11
children, 10 living. Of these, I have three
"adopted" children, Richard has 11.
Each is as precious to us as if we had taken part
in their conception. Each is as much "our
own" as if they carried within them our own
genetic markers.
Our legally
adopted son joined the family at an early age.
His birth parents were very young and made some
unwise parenting choices resulting in abuse and
neglect of children with which they could not
cope.
It would be so
easy to point accusing fingers... and for a while
I did that, but it only hurts the child. Now, I
know it is better that he know as many good
things about his birth parents as possible.
A lovely
daughter was spiritually adopted by mutual
agreement when she was an adult, already a wife
and mother herself. Her childhood years were
spent in abuse and being shuffled from pillar to
post, and she longed for a family to call her
own.
One day she told
me how she envied my children and I thought how
honored I would be if I were her mother. We made
a mutual agreement to make it so in our hearts.
Now, she is forevermore our daughter, her husband
our son-in-law and her fine sons our grandsons.
We are more than honored!
Then a teen
daughter became part of the clan when her
biological parents could no longer care for her
after an auto accident and signed guardianship
papers. She lives with us now, but that could
change in the future. What will never change is
that she is our daughter!
We do not try to
displace her birth parents. That would be wrong,
especially in this case, but we have made it
clear to her that she's our child now, too. She's
blessed with two sets of parents and seems to
thrive in it.
Richard is
father to all eleven of our children by virtue of
his desire to be so and the vows he took on our
wedding day. The promises we made to each other
that day were also promises to God and our
children.
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An Affair of the Heart,
Not a Fling Adoption truly is an affair of the
heart, far moreso than a legal contract. Lying at
the very core of adoption is the intent of
adoptive parents to make a life long
commitment to the new person they are taking into
their hearts and family.
Although not all
adoptions are "on paper," all must
carry a genuine life long bond. In today's world
of divorce and remarriage, we see a lot of
jumping in and out of parenthood. Mom marries
someone who now becomes dad to the kids. Later,
when this the marriage ends, mom remarries again
and yet another new dad enters the picture. The
old step-dad usually no longer sees himself as a
parent and rarely has any legal rights of
visitation nor any support responsibilities. And
we wonder why kids are insecure!
Another scenario
is when you take a neighborhood kid under your
wing and begin to play the parental role with
that child, both you the child very often begin
to act as if he has been adopted. The child
fantasizes about you as a parent and you enjoy
it. But unless you are willing to make a real
adoptive commitment, a life long dedication of
yourself to this child, this parent-child role
playing can cause more harm than good.
Before taking
the serious step of parenthood, be sure within
your own heart that you are completely willing to
make the permanent emotional and financial
sacrifices every parent must make.
Above all, be
sure your quest for parenthood is born of love
rather than some selfish need of your own.
Parenting is one of this world's most rewarding
experiences, but it is incredibly demanding. Make
sure you know why you want to be a parent and are
ready to meet the demands.
Finding
A Child to Adopt
We've all heard
the horror stories of would-be parents waiting
for years to adopt. If you truly are committed to
giving your heart and life to a child, there are
some options. These ideas are not gleaned from
agencies or officials but from parents who
"have been there." Take them for what
they're worth, but do think about them.
- Consider an
older child. Waiting lists for babies are
long, yet older children who desperately
need your love often wait interminably.
- Consider a
minority or mixed race child. If you do
this, be prepared to actively involve
yourself and your child in his racial
culture.
- Consider a
foreign child. This may be costly in
terms of transportation, medical expense,
etc., but the world is full of orphaned
children.
- Consider a
disabled or disfigured child. Often these
children never find homes because few are
willing to take on the
"burden."
- Consider
adopting a family of children. When
children lose both parents, they need
each other. Adoptive parents willing to
take the whole "set" are
usually given first priority.
- Advertise.
Go beyond listing your name with
agencies, get out the word you want to
adopt. Be careful that all arrangements
are above board and legal, however.
- Give it to
the Lord. He knows what is best for you
and the child, and that's what He wants.
Tell Him you are willing to take whatever
He gives. After all, that's what happens
when we have children
"naturally."
When A
Child Becomes Your Own
In this time of
babies switched at birth, multiple remarriages,
and parental musical chairs, children cannot help
but feel insecure. They see what's happening to
their friends and wonder...
Whether by
birth, marriage, legal or spiritual adoption,
when you have taken a child to be your own, tell
her and say it often. Voice your joy and
dedication. Tell the child your commitment to him
will never end. Liken your love for her to that
of God for us, unconditional. "For while we
were yet sinners..." Read I Corinthians 13
aloud to your child and say, "That's how I
feel about you."
Be sure you
extended family knows that this child is yours
and must be accepted as such. You may even need
to be firm about this as the tendency is to treat
the adopted child as different from the
"natural" children, as an outsider of
sorts. Refuse to tolerate it! You can't change
how people think, but you can insist on
considerate behavior toward your child.
Are You
Ready?
Are you ready to
stand by this child if cancer strikes, if he goes
astray of the law, if she becomes an unwed
mother, if things are less than ideal? Have you
counted the costs? Are you prepared to be a
permanent parent?
Then gird up
your loins! As rewarding as it is, parenting is
hard work. It'll take your heart and twist it.
It'll take your mind and bend it. And it will
wrench your very soul. Are you ready for that?
Then you are ready to grow and glow as you give
selfless parental love to a child. A love
patterned after that your heavenly Father has for
you. It's the experience of a lifetime!
So you really
want to give yourself to a child. You're willing
to take what God gives and love unconditionally.
You have my blessings and my prayers. I rejoice
for you and with you as you begin this most
exciting of life's journeys.
This child you
call your own, is actually God's own son or
daughter. Let Him use and guide your hand in
nurturing His royal child on earth. Talk things
over with Him every day and honor His parental
rights. They do, after all, take precedence over
your own!
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