Through the eyes of children..
Submitted by Margo Bentzler

An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story about her then four-year-old daughter. On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. "Be still my heart," thought my friend, "My daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!" Then the child spoke into the instrument: "Welcome to McDonald's. - May I take your order?"
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Children on Religion...
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, "Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait." Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"
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A student was asked to list the 10 Commandments in any order. His answer: 3, 6, 1, 8, 4, 5, 9, 2, 10, 7.
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A mother was at the beach with her children when the four-year-old son ran up to her, grabbed her hand, and led her to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Mommy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to Heaven," his mother replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, "And God threw him back down?"
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After the church service a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money."

"Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?"

"Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had."
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A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"

"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.

"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

Warning Labels
Submitted by F. Bills

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?)

On some Swan frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's *just* a suggestion!)

On a hotel provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head.

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down. (Too late! You lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time?) (Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning keep out of children. (Or pets! What's for dinner?)

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.) (Or underground)

On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use. (Now I AM curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
(What is this, a home castration kit?)

On a child's superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)

Church Bulletin Bloopers
Submitted F. Bills

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

PRAYER & FASTING Conference. "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals".

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands".

Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.

Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.

The sermon this morning: "Jesus walks on the water'. The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus'.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

The "Over 60's Choir" will be disbanded for the summer with our thanks.

The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are afflicted with any church.
The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

Remember in prayer those who are sick of our church and community.

Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a terrible experience".

We need articles, poetry and other original submissions
of interest to women, especially Christian women.

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