 |
 Y2K
is Almost Upon Us!
YzeroK
Message from: Rome
January 18, 1 BC
Dear Cassius,
Are you still working on the Y zero K problem? This
change from BC to AD is giving us a lot of headaches and
we haven't much time left. I don't know how people will
cope with working the wrong way around. Having been
working happily downwards forever, now we have to start
thinking upwards. You would think that someone would have
thought of it earlier and not left it to us to sort out
at the last minute.
I spoke to Caesar the
other evening. He was livid that Julius hadn't done
something about it when he was sorting out the calendar.
He said he could see why Brutus turned nasty. We called
in the consulting astrologers, but they simply said that
continuing downwards using minus BC won't work. As usual,
the consultants charged a fortune for doing nothing
useful. As for myself, I just can't see the sand in an
hourglass flowing upwards.
We have heard that there
are 3 wise guys in the east working on the problem, but
unfortunately they won't arrive till it's all over. Some
say the world will cease to exist at the moment of
transition. Anyway we are continuing to work on this
blasted Y zero K problem and I will send you a parchment
if anything further develops.
Plutonius.
The Ballad of
Y2K
Submitted by F. Bills & Scott Tousignaut
(sing to
the tune of "Gilligan's Island")
Just
sit right back and you'll hear a tale
Of the doom that is our fate.
That started when programmers used
Two digits for a date
Two digits for a date
RAM memory was smaller then;
Hard drives were tiny, too.
"Four digits are extravagent,
So let's get by with two.
So let's get by with two."
"This works through 1999,"
The programmers did say.
"Unless we write new code by then
The data goes away.
The data goes away."
But management had not a clue;
"It works fine now, you bet!
Rewriting code costs money,
We won't do it just yet.
We won't do it just yet."
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Now
when 2000 rolls around
We can no longer sell,
For zero's less then ninety-nine,
As anyone can tell.
As anyone can tell.
The mail won't bring your pension check;
It won't be sent to you
When you're no longer sixty-eight
But minus thirty-two.
But minus thirty-two.
The problems we're about to face
Are frightening, for sure.
And reading every line of code's
The only certain cure.
The only certain cure.
[[ key change, the big finish coming]]
There's not much time, there's too much code,
And COBOL-coders, few.
When the century is finished,
We may be finished, too. |
Proverbs for the
Millenium
Submitted
by Scott Tousignaut
1. Home is where you
hang your @
2. The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the
mail.
3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single
click.
4. You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.
5. Great groups from little icons grow.
6. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.
7. C:\ is the root of all directories.
8. Don't put all your hypes in one home page.
9. Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.
10. The modem is the message.
11. Too many clicks spoil the browse.
12. The geek shall inherit the earth.
13. A chat has nine lives.
14. Don't byte off more than you can view.
15. Fax is stronger than fiction.
16. What boots up must come down.
17. Windows will never cease.
18. In Gates we trust (and our tender is legal).
19. Virtual reality is its own reward.
20. Modulation in all things.
21. A user and his leisure time are soon parted.
22. There's no place like http://www.home.com
23. Know what to expect before you connect.
24. Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we
practice.
25. Speed thrills.
26. Give a man (or anyone, for that matter) a fish and
you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he
won't bother you for weeks.
'Twas the Night
Before Y2K
Submitted
by Viola Gilbert
Twas
the night before Y2K,
And all through the nation,
We'd soon see the bug that,
Caused such a sensation.
The chips were replaced,
In computers with care,
In hopes that ol' Bugsy,
Wouldn't stop there.
While some folks could think,
They were snug in their beds,
Others had visions,
Of dread in their heads.
And Ma with her PC,
And I with my Mac,
Had just logged on the Net,
And kicked back with a snack.
When over the server,
There arose such a clatter,
I called Mister Gates,
To see what was the matter.
But he was away,
So I flew like a flash,
Off to my bank,
To withdraw all my cash.
Then word of the shortage,
Caused such a demand,
That the money was gone,
And the streets were all jammed.
When what with my wandering eyes,
Should I see on my screen,
But Millennium Bugsy,
This must be a dream!.
The Hack of all hackers,
Was looking so smug,
I knew that it must be,
The Y2K bug!
His image downloaded,
In no time at all,
He whistled and shouted,
"Let all systems fall!"
"Go Intel! Go Gateway!
Now HP! Big Blue!
Everything Compac,
And Pentium too!
All processors big,
All processors small,
Crash away! Crash away!
Crash away all!"
All the controls,
That make the planes fly,
And the microwaves for,
The signals they rely.
All through the system,
To me, and to you,
The predictions they made,
Would soon all come true. |
And
then came a twinkling,
As midnight drew near,
All over the globe,
In each hemisphere.
As I drew in my breath,
And was turning around,
Out through the modem,
He came with a bound.
He was covered with fur,
With six legs outspread,
Two beady eyes,
And a chip on his head.
With a sack full of virii,
Flung on his back,
He looked like a hacker,
Just waiting to hack.
His eyes - how they twinkled!
His dimples - how merry!
As midnight approached, Though
Things soon became scary.
His droll little mouth was,
Drawn up in a sneer,
While he sat like a kid,
Waiting out the new year.
Two little antenna,
Stuck out of his head,
(Improved his reception,
from what I've heard said.)
He had a broad face,
and a round little belly,
But with six dirty socks,
His feet were quite smelly.
He was chubby and plump,
Perpetually grinning,
And I laughed when I saw him,
Though my hard drive stopped spinning.
A wink of his eye,
And a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know,
A new feeling of dread.
He spoke not a word,
But went straight to his work,
He changed all the clocks
Then turned with a jerk.
With a twitch of his nose,
And a quick little wink,
All things electronic,
Soon went on the blink.
He zoomed from my system,
To the next folks on line,
He caused such a disruption,
Could this be a sign?
Then I heard him exclaim,
With a loud, hearty glee,
'This has been fun,
I'll see you next century!'" |
You're Addicted
to Computers if...
Submitted
Julia Townsend
* You comment, while
watching a sunset, that the image would be enhanced with
10% more magenta and a higher resolution.
* When someone tells you about a great new program and
you're very disappointed to find that it's on TV.
* If while driving down the street, you are confused by
the numbers on the houses - they do not appear to be
legitimate WWW addresses.
* When you find it easier to dial-up the National Weather
Service Weather/your_town/now.html than to simply look
out the window.
* When you start using phrases like:
Hungry.must-eat.food.now@home.com.
* If you call in sick because you found a great new WWW
site.
* If you can type your top 10 favorite Web sites, by
heart.
* If your fingers quit moving because you've been online
for 36 hours.
* If your net provider suggests you try a competitor,
because you're exceeding 300 hours a month connect time.
* When your desk collapses under the weight of your
computer peripherals.
* If you try to press Alt-F4 to close your car window
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Revised:
April 20, 2006.
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