Living On Alone

When Daddy died unexpectedly, Mama was surprisingly composed. Usually the family worrier, she suddenly seemed unflappable and the perfect hostess to family and friends who swarmed to her tiny home. Instead of crying, she busied herself in consoling others, all the while reassuring everyone that she knew her Edgar was with the Lord and that she had a perfect peace about it.

Mama did have peace about Daddy's wellbeing with the Lord, but as time passed, we could tell she was completely unprepared for her own life without him. She stopped going out, even hiring someone to do her shopping. Citing her poor health as the cause, she finally stopped attending church although she welcomed visits from the pastor and other members. Mama became a lonely and increasingly eccentric recluse who lived more in the past than the present.

The focus of Mama's life had been caring for her family. Now, with both her children grown and living far away, and with the love of her life living even farther away in heaven, Mama had no one else to care for. Finally she even stopped caring for herself.

I prayed for Mama and God was merciful; He let her have a stroke. Yes, the stroke was an act of mercy because when she left the hospital she came to our home to recuperate. Our house, full of children and activity, was the perfect place for Mama. She learned to talk and walk again and she became an involved member of the family. She had folks to care for. People needed her again! Mama still grieved for Daddy and spoke much of their happy life together, but she came out of her shell and rejoined the living.

It was a different story when my father-in-law went home to the Lord. His widow, Henrietta, who had been active in local politics and society began to spend her days staring out the living room window. She abruptly severed all outside ties and sat waiting for her sons to come for a visit, watching the driveway hoping to see one of their cars. There was a continuing sadness in her eyes all the rest of her days.

When a man and women build their life together, there is little though of how to go on alone. That's too bad because unless they leave this world together, one is going to need to cope in ways never before considered. But there are steps each can take to make the process easier. Here is one example:

Red Roses Were Her Favorites
Submitted by Carol Skipper

Red roses were her favorites, her name was also Rose.
And every year her husband sent them, tied with pretty bows.
The year he died, the roses were delivered to her door.
The card said, Be my Valentine, like all the years before.

Each year he sent her roses, and the note would always say,
I love you even more this year, than last year on this day.
My love for you will always grow, with every passing year.
She knew this was the last time that the roses would appear.

She thought, he ordered roses in advance before this day.
Her loving husband did not know, that he would pass away.
He always liked to do things early, way before the time.
Then, if he got too busy, everything would work out fine.

She trimmed the stems, and placed them in a very special vase.
Then, sat the vase beside the portrait of his smiling face.
She would sit for hours, in her husband's favorite chair.
While staring at his picture, and the roses sitting there.

A year went by, and it was hard to live without her mate.
With loneliness and solitude, that had become her fate.
Then, the very hour, as on Valentines before,
The doorbell rang, and there were roses, sitting by her door.

She brought the roses in, and then just looked at them in shock.
Then, went to get the telephone, to call the florist shop.
The owner answered, and she asked him, if he would explain,
Why would someone do this to her, causing her such pain?

I know your husband passed away, more than a year ago,
The owner said, I knew you'd call, and you would want to know.
The flowers you received today, were paid for in advance.
Your husband always planned ahead, he left nothing to chance.

There is a standing order, that I have on file down here,
And he has paid, well in advance, you'll get them every year.
There also is another thing, that I think you should know,
He wrote a special little card...he did this years ago.

Then, should ever, I find out that he's no longer here,
That's the card...that should be sent, to you the following year.
She thanked him and hung up the phone, her tears now flowing hard.
Her fingers shaking, as she slowly reached to get the card.

Inside the card, she saw that he had written her a note.
Then, as she stared in total silence, this is what he wrote...
Hello my love, I know it's been a year since I've been gone,
I hope it hasn't been too hard for you to overcome.

I know it must be lonely, and the pain is very real.
For if it was the other way, I know how I would feel.
The love we shared made everything so beautiful in life.
I loved you more than words can say, you were the perfect wife.

You were my friend and lover, you fulfilled my every need.
I know it's only been a year, but please try not to grieve.
I want you to be happy, even when you shed your tears.
That is why the roses will be sent to you for years.

When you get these roses, think of all the happiness,
That we had together, and how both of us were blessed.
I have always loved you and I know I always will.
But, my love, you must go on, you have some living still.

Please...try to find happiness, while living out your days.
I know it is not easy, but I hope you find some ways.
The roses will come every year, and they will only stop,
When your door's not answered, when the florist stops to knock.

He will come five times that day, in case you have gone out.
But after his last visit, he will know without a doubt,
To take the roses to the place, where I've instructed him,
And place the roses where we are, together once again.

After you've dried your eyes, consider doing something special to help your mate if you should leave before he does. Make the arrangements now. You may want to make a video to be delivered to him a month after your passing. In the tape, you might encourage him to live a fuller life and reassure him of your love. Or perhaps you could write him letters to be mailed by a third party each year.

And if you are the one living on alone, pick up that Bible and read the many passages about Jesus being the Bridegroom of the church. You are part of that body; He is your ever present and loving Bridegroom. No, not your husband's replacement, but your constant companion and your God. He wants a close and deep relationship with you. Start right now to depend on Him daily. Ask Him now before the need to prepare you for that day when you must stay and your husband go.

Find others who need you. God will lead you to them. He will give you a ministry if you are wanting to serve... And that calling will fill your life if you will but let it. The pain of loneliness is so much less acute when we are about God's business in a mighty way. If you haven't already, begin today; your Lord has been waiting a long time....

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