Changing Views on Family Size

We recently received the following letter which brought a raft of memories to my mind and precipitated this month's article

I am searching for articles that cast the large family in a positive light. We have seven children and are building a resource file of articles for those who say we have too many children. Thank you for any information you might have. Mrs.Young

My first thought is, who in the world has any right to say you have too many children?! This is a private matter between you, your husband and the Lord. But sadly, it's not uncommon for "outsiders" to pass judgement about family size or even whether a couple should have any children at all.

For purposes of this discussion. let's put aside consideration of cases where abuse, drug use and other such issues are involved. We're talking the normal family unit of mom and dad and how many children they "should" have. But this is not an article in support of small or large families, or even whether a couple should have any children at all. This is a discussion of the who and how of family size decisions.

We had eight biological children and adopted (legally or in spirit) three more. Plus, we may adopt more in the future if the Lord sends them our way. We, too. heard the disparaging comments and the rude remarks. We saw the heads shaking in disapproval and the disgusted looks on frowning faces. It was even worse for my husband because he is not the biological father of any of our children. When he married me with my housefull of little ones, his family went into orbit!

Money was tight. He was a young teacher and I was trying to finish college. We struggled to make ends meet. So we heard things like, "You can't even take care of yourselves, let alone all those children!" Now, we weren't on welfare, nor had we asked for help from anyone else. We made do and God saw to it we had all we needed, but the tongues wagged on.

Conversely, I have a friend who suffers an equally unfair treatment because she and her husband have decided not to have children. Some folks at her church have gone so far as to accuse her of opposing God's law. What law? "Go forth and multiply?" They aren't Adam and Eve!

All my life I wanted a housefull of children. I married a man who loved kids as much as I and we were happy. We are proud of our children and grandchildren who still bring us much joy, and we wouldn't reduce our family size for anything. For us, a large family was ideal, and only those who have large families can fully understand that.

Family size decisions need to be prayerfully made by the couple. It's really no one else's business. Optimal family size changes in different cultures and different times of history. There will always be detractors no matter what choice you make about family size. So what? The personal choice is still a private one. And it's yours!

When faced with disapproval from family and friends or even strangers, just good naturedly say that you would not consider interfering with their private decisions about family size and would appreciate the same wise courtesy from others. Meanwhile, please enjoy these heartwarming pieces for all who love kids:

What I didn't know before I had kids...
Submitted by Scott Tousignaut

* How many seconds it takes to microwave 4 fish sticks perfectly.
* Who John Jacob Jingle Heimershmitt is.
* How to change a diaper in the dark, in a parked car, on a standing child
* And all of the above simultaneously.
* Which lines of The Cat in the Hat and If I Ran the Circus can be skipped over without a child noticing.
* How bright a 3 a.m. full moon is.
* The design marvels of hooded towels, Velcro-strap shoes and mitten clips.
* Locations of public restrooms all across town.
* Why anyone would bother retracing their steps for miles just to retrieve a lost blankie.
* That tigers live in the trees in our backyard.
* The amazing Technicolor variety of infant stool.
* How to open a van door while bobbling 2 lunch boxes, two extra coats, a purse, a diaper bag and a baby.
* The fine art of vacuuming a floor without hosing up a Barbie shoe or a Playmobil cannonball.
* That solid white socks get lost in the dryer at a much slower rate than do the mates of patterned socks that coordinate to special outfits.
* How little sleep a human body truly needs to function.
* Almost every Disney lyric ever penned.
* How to spell amoxicillin.
* That one can never own too many sippy cup lids or refrigerator magnets.
* Scientific names of dinosaurs from A to Z.
* That reverse psychology really works.
* The recipe for a homemade version of Play-doh.
* That Duplo and Lego blocks procreate in the night.
* The distinctive sounds of Cheerios crunching underfoot.
* Why they call them Happy meals.
* How far you can dilute juice and still retain its taste.
* That man (or child anyway) really can live on peanut butter alone.
* That gender inequality starts early in clothing: Boy's underpants have a wide band on top, while the waistband and leg holes on girl's look the same, increasing the odds that she'll pull 'em on tangles or upside down.
* Sesame Street's air time.
* That the more my kids learn, the less I seem to know.
* The blessedness of naps, the inviolate importance of routines.

**** And the one I wanted to add:
* You never knew how much you could love one human being!!!!!!!

Important Parenting Tips from Bill Cosby
Submitted by Julie Townsend

1. There is no such thing as child proofing your house.
2. A four-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
3. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a Superman cape.
4. Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
5. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh-oh," it is already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, lots of it.
9. A six-year-old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says it can only be done in the movies.
10. If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes, it does not leak...it explodes.
11. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq. ft. house almost 4 inches deep.
12. Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year-old.
13. Duplos will not.
14. Playdough and microwaves should never be used in the same sentence.
15. Superglue is forever.
16. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they do.
17. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
18. Marbles in a gas tank make lots of noises when driving.
19. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
20. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life.
~~~~~~~~~compliments of JokeMaster Funnies

Laws Concerning Food and Drink; Household Principles;
Lamentations of the Father by Ian Frazier
Submitted by Kimberly Jarboe
Part One:

Of the beasts of the field, and of the fishes of the sea, and of all foods that are acceptable in my sight you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the hoofed animals, broiled or ground into burgers, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cloven-hoofed animal, plain or with cheese, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cereal grains, of the corn and of the wheat and of the oats, and of all the cereals that are of bright color and unknown provenance you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the quiescently frozen dessert and of all frozen after-meal treats you may eat, but absolutely not in the living room. Of the juices and other beverages, yes, even of those in sippy-cups, you may drink, but not in the living room, neither may you carry such therein. Indeed, when you reach the place where the living room carpet begins, of any food or beverage there you may not eat, neither may you drink.

But if you are sick, and are lying down and watching something, then may you eat in the living room.

Part Two:

Laws When at Table
And if you are seated in your high chair, or in a chair such as a greater person might use, keep your legs and feet below you as they were. Neither raise up your knees, nor place your feet upon the table, for that is an abomination to me. Yes, even when you have an interesting bandage to show, your feet upon the table are an abomination, and worthy of rebuke. Drink your milk as it is given you, neither use on it any utensils, nor fork, nor knife, nor spoon, for that is not what they are for; if you will dip your blocks in the milk, and lick it off, you will be sent away. When you have drunk, let the empty cup then remain upon the table, and do not bite it upon its edge and by your teeth hold it to your face in order to make noises in it sounding like a duck; for you will be sent away. When you chew your food, keep your mouth closed until you have swallowed, and do not open it to show your brother or your sister what is within; I say to you, do not so, even if your brother or your sister has done the same to you. Eat your food only; do not eat that which is not food; neither seize the table between your jaws, nor use the raiment of the table to wipe your lips. I say again to you, do not touch it, but leave it as it is. And though your stick of carrot does indeed resemble a marker, draw not with it upon the table, even in pretend, for we do not do that, that is why. And though the pieces of broccoli are very like small trees, do not stand them upright to make a forest, because we do not do that, that is why. Sit just as I have told you, and do not lean to one side or the other, nor slide down until you are nearly slid away. Heed me; for if you sit like that, your hair will go into the syrup.

And now behold, even as I have said, it has come to pass.

Parts Three and Four:

Laws Pertaining to Dessert
For we judge between the plate that is unclean and the plate that is clean, saying first, if the plate is clean, then you shall have dessert. But of the unclean plate, the laws are these: If you have eaten most of your meat, and two bites of your peas with each bite consisting of not less than three peas each, or in total six peas, eaten where I can see, and you have also eaten enough of your potatoes to fill two forks, both forkfuls eaten where I can see, then you shall have dessert. But if you eat a lesser number of peas, and yet you eat the potatoes, still you shall not have dessert; and if you eat the peas, yet leave the potatoes uneaten, you shall not have dessert, no, not even a small portion thereof. And if you try to deceive by moving the potatoes or peas around with a fork, that it may appear you have eaten what you have not, you will fall into iniquity. And I will know, and you shall have no dessert.

On Screaming
Do not scream; for it is as if you scream all the time. If you are given a plate on which two foods you do not wish to touch each other are touching each other, your voice rises up even to the ceiling, while you point to the offense with the finger of your right hand; but I say to you, scream not, only remonstrate gently with the server, that the server may correct the fault. Likewise if you receive a portion of fish from which every piece of herbal seasoning has not been scraped off, and the herbal seasoning is loathsome to you, and steeped in vileness, again I say, refrain from screaming. Though the vileness overwhelm you, and cause you a faint unto death, make not that sound from within your throat, neither cover your face, nor press your fingers to your nose.

For even now I have made the fish as it should be; behold, I eat of it myself, yet I do not die.

Parts Five and Six:

Concerning Face and Hands
Cast your countenance upward to the light, and lift your eyes to the hills, that I may more easily wash you off. For the stains are upon you; even to the very back of your head, there is rice thereon. And in the breast pocket of your garment, and upon the tie of your shoe, rice and other fragments are distributed in a manner wonderful to see. Only hold yourself still; hold still, I say. Give each finger in its turn for my examination thereof, and also each thumb. Lo, how iniquitous they appear.

What I do is as it must be; and you shall not go hence until I have done.

Various Other Laws, Statutes, and Ordinances:
Bite not, lest you be cast into quiet time. Neither drink of your own bath water, nor of bath water of any kind; nor rub your feet on bread, even if it be in the package; nor rub yourself against cars, nor against any building; nor eat sand.

Leave the cat alone, for what has the cat done, that you should so afflict it with tape? And hum not that humming in your nose as I read, nor stand between the light and the book. Indeed, you will drive me to madness. Nor forget what I said about the tape.

Part Seven:

Complaints and Lamentations
O my children, you are disobedient. For when I tell you what you must do, you argue and dispute hotly even to the littlest detail; and when I do not accede, you cry out, and hit and kick. Yes, and even sometimes do you spit, and shout "stupid-head" and other blasphemies, and hit and kick the wall and the molding thereof when you are sent to the corner. And though the law teaches that no one shall be sent to the corner for more minutes than he has years of age, yet I would leave you there all day, so mighty am I in anger. But upon being sent to the corner you ask straightaway, "Can I come out?" and I reply, "No, you may not come out." And again you ask, and again I give the same reply. But when you ask again a third time, then you may come out.

Hear me, O my children, for the bills they kill me. I pay and pay again, even to the twelfth time in a year, and yet again they mount higher than before. For our health, that we may be covered, I give six hundred and twenty talents twelve times in a year; but even this covers not the fifteen hundred deductible for each member of the family within a calendar year. And yet for ordinary visits we still are not covered, nor for many medicines, nor for the teeth within our mouths. Guess not at what rage is in my mind, for surely you cannot know.

For I will come to you at the first of the month and at the fifteenth of the month with the bills and a great whining and moan. And when the month of taxes comes, I will decry the wrong and unfairness of it, and mourn with wine and ashtrays, and rend my receipts. And you shall remember that I am that I am: before, after, and until you are twenty-one.

Hear me then, and avoid me in my wrath, O children of me.

Copyright © 1997 by The Atlantic Monthly Company.

ANSWER:
There are six F's in the sentence.

• A person of average intelligence finds three of them.
• If you spotted four, you're above average.
• If you got five, you can turn your nose at most anybody.
• If you caught six, you are a genius.

There is no catch. Many people forget the "OF"'s. The human brain tends to see them as V's and not F's. Pretty weird, huh?

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