Handmaidens - Comedy

Handmaidens

Comedy!

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Breaking the Habit
Submitted by Carol Skipper of Apron Strings Devotionals

A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit. Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, "If you don't stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon." Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four-year-old considered her gravely for a minute, then spoke to her saying, "Uh-oh...I know what you've been doing.".

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The Printed Word...

25 GREAT NEWSPAPER HEADLINES (1998)
Submitted by F. Bills
1. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
2. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say
3. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
4. Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case
5. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
6. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
7. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
8. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
9. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
10. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
11. Clinton Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead
12. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
13. Miners Refuse to Work After Death
14. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
15. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
16. Two Sisters Reunited after Years in Checkout Counter
17. War Dims Hope for Peace
18. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
19. Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
20. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
21. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
22. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Space
23. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
24. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
25. Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

More BAD Headlines
~ March Planned For Next August
~ Blind Bishop Appointed To See
~ Lingerie Shipment Hijacked--Thief Gives Police The Slip
~ L.A. Voters Approve Urban Renewal By Landslide
~ Patient At Death's Door--Doctors Pull Him Through
~ Latin Course To Be Canceled--No Interest Among Students, Et Al.
~ Diaper Market Bottoms Out
~ Croupiers On Strike--Management: "No Big Deal"
~ Stadium Air Conditioning Fails--Fans Protest
~ Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped
~ Henshaw Offers Rare Opportunity to Goose Hunters
~ Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice
~ Fund Set Up for Beating Victim's Kin
~ Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
~ Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One
~ Cancer Society Honors Marlboro Man
~ Nicaragua Sets Goal to Wipe Out Literacy
~ Autos Killing 110 a Day--Let's Resolve to Do Better
~ 20-Year Friendship Ends at Altar
~ Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
~ Half of U.S. High Schools Require Some Study for Graduation
~ Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad She Hasn't Seen in Years
~ Man is Fatally Slain
~ Death Causes Loneliness, Feelings of Isolation
~ Defendants Speech Ends in Long Sentence
~ House Passes Gas Tax Onto Senate
~ Police Discover Crack in Australia
~ Stiff Opposition Expected to Casketless Funeral Plan
~ William Kelly, 87, was Fed Secretary
~ Collegians are Turning to Vegetables
~ Scientists to Have Ford's Ear
~ Quarter of a Million Chinese Live on Water
~ Hershey Bars Protest
~ County Officials to Talk Rubbish
~ Carter Plans Swell Deficit
~ Caribbean Islands Drift to Left

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