April 17, 2001

I'LL TAKE A COUPLE SACKS OF PRE-EMERGENT
WEED KILLER AND SPREADER, PLEASE
By Ron Brackin Special Correspondent for ASSIST News Service

My wife is into gardening. What I mean is that she is into Gardening. Even as I write this, Annie is racking up half a dozen more hours of classroom time toward her certification as a Master Gardener with the Texas Agricultural Extension.

I, on the other hand, while not excited about playing in the dirt and memorizing the Latin names of regional flora, have developed a deep appreciation for the many lessons that can be learned from our botanical friends.

Jesus, of course, shared the same appreciation, employing his agricultural knowledge to reveal deep truths to simple folk and philosophers alike.

"If that" he said, pointing to the lilies, "is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?" Mt. 6:30.

A slap on the hand and a pat on the shoulder, both in a leisurely walk through a field.

And there are lots of other lessons to be learned from grass.

In a conversation with a kindred spirit recently, Annie was informed that "The reason that the grass is greener somewhere else is that somebody took better care of his grass than I take of mine."

His observation set me thinking about some problems a little more weighty than lawn care.

Many husbands, for example - yes, even Christian husbands - divorce their wives when they find greener grass somewhere else. And the world nods and says he owes it to himself to be happy.

The truth is that the guy was just a lousy gardener. He neglected his own grass - weeding it, which Paul describes in Ephesians 5:26 as "cleansing her by the washing with water through the word." Watering it - discipleship. Making sure it gets enough Son. And giving it plenty of Tender Loving Care.

Here's another way of looking at it: in 1 Corinthians 11:7, Paul explains that "The woman is the glory of man. Curious about how a man stacks up as a husband? Just look at his wife. If there's no glow, the marriage is
probably no go.

That's not to say that wives are without sin. Women too can succumb to a verdant meadow. Same problem as men. In their case, however, they spare him the care and affection that they lavish on their children and household.

But neglect is not the only cause of "lawn envy." Sometimes it's caused by common ingratitude.

If I am grateful to God for the lawn he's given me - crab grass, poison ivy, and all - I don't pine for the Turf Builder(r) Eden on the other side of the fence.

Result: I don't have to keep up with the Gates's. I don't build mountains of credit card debt out of impulse shopping. The tail end of the Hummer sticking out of my neighbor's garage doesn't dampen our friendship. The dress-for-success ladies at the office don't compare to my incomparable wife. The church with the contemporary praise band doesn't dwarf the hymn-singing choir at my church - or vice versa.

You get the picture.

Good gardening and an attitude of gratitude.

They won't solve all the problems in the world. But they're not a bad place to start.

You Know You're A Lousy Cook If...

You know you're a lousy cook if....

Your family automatically heads for the table every time they hear a fire siren.

Anyone has ever broken a tooth eating your homemade yoghurt.

Your kids know what "peas porridge in a pot nine days old" tastes like.

Your son goes outside to make mud pies, the rest of the family grabs forks and follows him.

Your kids' favorite drink is Alka-Seltzer.

You have to buy 25 pounds of dog food twice a week for your toy poodle.

Your kids got even with the neighborhood bully by inviting him over for dinner.

Your husband refers to the smoke detector as the oven timer.

No matter what you do to it the gravy still turns bright purple.

Oodles of Household Hints

1--Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

2--Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle- perfect shaped pancakes every time.

3--To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

4--To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard-boiling.

5--Run your hands under cold water before pressing Rice Krispie treats in the pan, the marshmallow won't stick to your fingers.

6--To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, bring them to room temperature and roll them under your palm against the kitchen counter before squeezing.

7--To easily remove burnt on food from your skillet, simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan, and bring to a boil on stove-top--skillet will be much easier to clean.

8--Spray your Tupperware with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato-based sauces-no more stains.

9--When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead-no white mess on the outside of the cake.

10-If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato-it absorbs the excess salt for an instant "fix me up".

11-Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator-it will keep for weeks.

12-Brush beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

13-Place a slice of apple in hardened brown sugar to soften it back up.

14-When boiling corn on the cob, add a pinch of sugar to help bring out the corns natural sweetness.

15-To determine whether an egg is fresh, immerse it in a pan of cool, salted water. If it sinks, it is fresh--if it rises to the surface, throw it away.

16-Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

17-Don't throw out all that leftover wine: Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.(WHAT LEFTOVER WINE???)

18-If you have problem opening jars: Try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

19-Potatoes will take food stains off your fingers. Just slice and rub raw potato on the stains and rinse with water.

20-To get rid of itch from mosquito bite: try applying soap on the area instant relief.

21-Ants, ants, ants everywhere ... Well, they are said to never cross a chalk line. So get your chalk out and draw a line on the floor or wherever ants tend to march-- see for yourself.

22-Use air-freshener to clean mirrors: It does a good job and better still, leaves a lovely smell to the shine.

23-NOW Look what you can do with Alka Seltzer:

Clean a toilet. Drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets, wait twenty minutes, brush and flush. The citric acid and effervescent action cleans vitreous china.

Clean a vase. To remove a stain from the bottom of a glass vase or cruet, fill with water and drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets.

Polish jewelry. Drop two Alka-Seltzer tablets into a glass of water and immerse the jewelry for two minutes.

Clean a thermos bottle. Fill the bottle with water, drop in four Alka-Seltzer tablets, and let soak for an hour (or longer, if necessary).

Unclog a drain. Clear the sink drain by dropping three Alka-Seltzer tablets down the drain followed by a cup of Heinz White Vinegar Wait a few minutes, then run the hot water.

24-When you get a splinter, reach for the scotch tape before resorting to tweezers or a needle. Simply put the scotch tape over the splinter, then pull it off. Scotch tape removes most splinters painlessly and easily.

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