Summer, 2001

Glad to Know You
By Jerri Phillips of jerrismunchies.com

We go to a small church. There are some really marvelous aspects to that. For instance, I know the names of almost everyone who attends. Each Sunday morning we wave and smile and give the obligatory greeting.

“How are you?”

“Good. You?”

“Great, thanks.”

In fact, I know that virtually everyone I talk to at church will be doing good on Sunday morning, and they probably know I’ll be doing great. I have connected well and developed lots of relationships. According to some, I am snugly fit into my church. Some people are horribly wrong and really need to refine their idea of relationships and connections. Granted, I know names. I know faces, but I don’t really know most of these people. I don’t know if they have children, unless the children sit with them on a consistent basis. I have no idea if they work or where they work. I couldn’t tell you who is married and who isn’t. Most of the time I don’t even know if they are at church or not unless they sit in close proximity to me. They are really not much more than strangers with names. Some of them that I sit near make it to “acquaintance” status, but they aren’t anything more than that.

Of course, not everyone at church is like that. If they were, we’d find another church. We want relationships, friendships, and we have that with some of the people there. Our friendships are with the people that we talk to during the week. Sometimes we get together so the children can play and the adults can talk or play games. Other times we just spend time together because we need the company. Our friends are the ones we share common interests with, break bread with, lean on, and hold up. We know their stories, and they know ours. We have spent time together, and we know each other.

It seems pretty common sense, doesn’t it? The difference between knowing a name and knowing a person, I mean. Sometimes we have no problem identifying the difference. The guy we sat by on the bus, he’s a stranger. The person we see at Bible study and maintain a superficial relationship with, she’s a… well, she’s a… Hmmm. That’s a tough one. She’s not really a stranger, and yet, she isn’t a friend. What is she?

If we were honest, really honest, we would admit we merely acknowledge those persons’ existence, not their real personhood. In all truth, we don’t really have a significant relationship with them at all. They just seem to float in and out on a regular basis. We acknowledge their presence, but we don’t really get bothered if they are gone. Please understand that I’m not trying to be depressing or cold. I am just being honest.

The problem is that we don’t want to be honest. Actually, I think there are two significant problems. First of all, we don’t want to be honest. We really don’t want to admit that we are so insensitive that there are people in our lives who are, for all intensive purposes, non-entities. Surely we would never be so cold hearted, so uncaring. Well, you know what? We are, and whether we like it or not, that is one form of relationship, sort of a generalized other that is out there somewhere but of no significance to our lives. There are lots of people like that in our lives.

The second problem is that society tends to teach us that acknowledgment of existence is the same thing as friendship, except that it is worded a little differently. “Keep your distance. Share only what you have to in order to keep that person around and content. Don’t be too open. Don’t let them see you at your worst, or at your less-than-best. Keep your faade so they’ll like you. You don’t want them to get too close, either. The last thing you need is to carry someone else’s junk around. Just keep it light and happy, and everything will be fine.”

There are a million excuses for the self-imposed emotional and mental prisons, and therapists stay busy dealing with them. Whatever the reason for them, the result is pretty consistent: a skewed definition of friendship. Too often friendship means someone else is able to help us, and that makes that person our friend, or we consider anyone willing to tolerate pathetic, unlovable us to be our friend. It’s not about giving to others, but rather about getting from others. Well, I’m here to let the cat out of the bag. What society touts as good relationships is not friendship. It’s nothing more than a warped form of self-worship and theft of the other person’s worth, and the end result is our being surrounded by people but still feeling completely and totally lonely. Instead of having friends and enjoying them, we keep our guard strong and stable and continue wandering miserably through life in emotional isolation. Still, we call that form of subsistence friendship. Yuck.

No wonder Christianity is too often reduced to a list of rules and regulations that determine our “salvation”. We have to have some substitute because we can’t identify the real stuff, and if we could, the question remains: could we handle it?

If we are so astute as to know that seeing someone at church on Sunday morning, mumbling some greeting to them, and putting on a happy face does not constitute a relationship and most certainly not friendship with that person, where on earth do we get the idea that is sufficient for a relationship with Christ? What kind of relationship can be developed by listening to a preacher for an hour, singing some hymns, maybe praying but in reality, probably listening to someone else pray? Let’s be honest, that kind of “Christianity” is doing nothing more than acknowledging a stranger with a name.

However, we have a good detour around that. We quote verses like Romans 10:9. “If you confess with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Well, I hate to rain on people’s parade, but the English translation does not do this verse justice. The original text is from the Greek, and the literal translation goes something like this: If you agree with and consent to the desires of Christ with your mouth and therefore profess, ‘Jesus is master of me and has absolute authority over me,’ and believe that God raised him from the dead, you will be preserved from danger, loss, or destruction.” Two huge key words that we like to gloss over: confess and Lord. Confess means to “be in agreement or to submit to another’s will.” Friends, that pretty much erases the effectiveness of lip service, which tends to be the crutch of those offering this verse as excuse for their lack of Christian example. In other words, you will confess with your actions and your life as well as saying all the right things. The second key word is “Lord.”

“Lord” is the Greek word kyrios. This literally means, “owner, master, owner of property; minister or head of a house; husband as head of the home; the supreme Lord of all things.” In simple terms, it means when I tell my son to leave the television alone, I don’t care how much he likes the buttons, he better obey me because I am the authority figure around here, and he had better honor that. The word “kyrios”, by its definition, implies that obedience and respect are expected. If the honor of Jesus is not evident in our actions and lifestyle, then He is not being recognized as “kyrios” or Lord. Once again, it means that our belief has to be greater than an acknowledgment of “the Man Upstairs”. Instead, there has to be a strong relationship, or more specifically, a friendship.

Now, you may think I’ve walked into blasphemous territory. It is a common thought that God is too holy to be a friend of men. Really? The Bible says that God walked and talked with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 3:8-9). That sounds friendly. It also says that Moses talked with God as a man talks with his friend (Exodus 3:11). I think that puts it pretty plain, don’t you? And if you want some more examples, let’s look at Jesus. What would you call the time He spent with His followers? Was He merely a high and powerful ruler that tolerated their petty faithlessness? Not from what I read. John felt comfortable reclining on Jesus’ chest (John 21:20). Of Lazarus, the Bible says, “The one you love is sick (John 11:3).” That sounds pretty friendly to me.

Unfortunately, we don’t like the whole relationship thing. It means that we can’t just spend our prayer time seeking what He can do for us. In fact, to develop a friendship means we actually have to invest ourselves in the relationship. We have to spend time with Jesus, not only in prayer but also in Bible study. We start taking on His interests, like being a servant, and we all know that often encroaches on what we like to do. In effort to know Him, we find out what He likes and dislikes, and we start acting accordingly. If we want true intimacy with Him, it is essential that we value Him above ourselves.

Contrary to popular philosophy, Christianity is not about rules and regulations. It’s about relationship. It isn’t about being forced to attend church on Sunday. It’s about wanting the opportunity, every opportunity to worship the One who is our master, our head, our Lord. Christianity is about desire and passion that changes our behavior, not changing our behavior just to look good. My friend, I can tell you from personal experience, as someone who has joyfully experienced great love, when Jesus truly becomes your Lord and you are in an intimate, loving relationship with Him, the rules and regulations mean nothing. Instead, you repent of your sins; you change your behavior; you strive to be godly not because you fear wrath or hell but because your greatest desire is to stay close to the very best friend, greatest lover, most wonderful husband you’ve ever known or could ever imagine. How does that happen? Where does that kind of passion and desire come from? From knowing Him. I do not see how any person who has every truly known Him could respond in any other way.

It may be that you think I’ve gotten too free and ditched the importance of keeping the commandments. Well, sort of. I am free, but I know keeping the law isn’t going to help me. I hate the law. All it does is show me what a failure I am. On the other hand, I will gladly give up television shows that are not godly. I will give up friends who think I’m nuts or want to live a wicked lifestyle, not because I love them less, but because I love Jesus more. I am far less concerned with keeping the law than I am honoring my Lord.

Some of you may be thinking, “That’s it! That’s what I’ve been looking for! I want that kind of freedom. I’m tired of trying to get it right only to feel like an utter failure.” If that is you, oh, my dear friend, the nights I cried myself to sleep with the same thought! Now, I can honestly say that I have great news for you. You probably know the law. Now, you need to know the Christ. More than likely, you’ve prayed a prayer of repentance, and you are wondering why you are in the same place. Here is what I suggest. Pray differently. Forget about the mortgage, the groceries, the need for a husband or wife or obedient child. Forget all that. Okay, that is really hard, but instead of making your earthly concerns your first priority, begin your prayers by asking God to know Him. Confess. Confess that you have made the law our god. That is what we do when we seek perfection instead of Jesus. Don’t worry. God is not going to strike you down. Instead, He is smiling from ear to ear, slapping Jesus on the back. “Did you hear that? Did you hear that?! We’re moving beyond the law, and we’re moving into lordship. The day I have desired has arrived! Finally, I can pour my Spirit out and lead my precious one to me. I can set my child free, and we are going to have a great time. This is really the beginning of something awesome!” Pray for God to show you Him. Understand that this is a process, and you may have to confess dozens of times. It honestly took me over a year to move from law oriented thinking to Lord oriented thinking.

There may be some who make the jump suddenly, but everyone I have talked with said it was a process. I tell you this so if you find yourself reverting you won’t give up and quit. Instead, confess and ask for more of God. He will never turn away an honest seeker. Jesus said the Spirit will lead us into truth (John 16:13). Jesus is the Truth (John 14:6). If we are patient and seek diligently while allowing the Spirit to lead us, we will come to know Jesus. It takes time, but Jesus isn’t a liar, so we can rest assured we can and will know Him as long as we continue to seek.

Some of you may be thinking I am splitting hairs and arguing semantics, but I would like to remind you that Jesus warned about people who had the right biblical knowledge, the right actions, the right a lot of things, but the wrong relationship. “Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in our name, and in our name drive out demons and perform many miracles?’ Then will I tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers?’ (Matthew 7:22-23).” Jesus said Himself that faith in His name is enough to perform miracles or drive out demons. Obviously, the faith of knowing Jesus was the powerful Messiah was not enough to save these people. In fact, if merely knowing Jesus is the Son of God is enough to save, then why weren’t all those demons that called Jesus the Son of God saved (Mark 1:34; Mark 5:12)? The answer is the same in both instances. The relationship was not there. There was a Messiah, but in neither case did the evildoers see a Lord.

Too often we buy into the lie that acknowledging existence is the same as relationship. Perhaps we are so selfish that all we can think of is how someone else can meet our needs, or maybe we feel too unlovable to be accepted, so we keep a safe distance so we won’t be rejected. Both situations leave us isolated and often settling for physical proximity rather than intimate friendship. Jesus isn’t fooled. He knows the difference, and for Him, it’s not enough for you to passively visit His house once a week and send an email with this week’s requests on it a few times between visits. In fact, His Father is the very definition of love.

Nope. Jesus is not fooled by this disgusting thing we call friendship, and He won’t settle for it either. He wants the real stuff, the best stuff. He wants a friend. You need a Lord. He won’t settle for being an acknowledged deity who is no more part of our life than the cable box we cry out to when our televisions go blank in the middle of a championship sports game. He wants more than to be acknowledged. He wants it all. The question is do you know the difference? He does.

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